Cygni Posted June 10, 2010 Report Share Posted June 10, 2010 Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Ken and his wife, Janet, listened to the instructor declare, 'It’s essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other’ He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?' Ken leaned over, touched Janet’s arm gently, and whispered, "Homepride, isn't it?" And thus began Ken’s life of celibacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 The England football team visited an orphanage near Capetown today. "It was heartbreaking to see their little faces without any hope" said Jamel, aged 6. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 I heard that OXO are doing a new range of cubes. It's white, with a red cross on each side. Called laughing stock! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted June 24, 2010 Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 New use for the Vuvuzela. http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Vuvuzela.jpg O R I G I N A l u s e f o r t h e Vuvuzela. http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Vuvuzela2.jpg http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Vuvuzela3.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 Nigeria are out of the World Cup. Their keeper has offered to refund back all the money to fans that travelled to South Africa. He said he just needs their bank details and mothers maiden name to complete the transaction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 The FA have found a new title sponsor for the England team, Tampax due to the worst period in English football. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 Bad weather warning :Close all windows tonight as there's a shower of s**t on it's way from South Africa! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misty25 Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 It's just been announced that the England team have been diverted to Glasgow airport,so they can get a hero's welcome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zebbidy Posted June 29, 2010 Report Share Posted June 29, 2010 Man walks into a bar, and turns to a fat girl and says " oof i would give you one" The fat girl replies " i wouldn't shag you if you were the last guy on earth" To which the man replies " i was giving you marks out of ten you fat cow" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted June 30, 2010 Report Share Posted June 30, 2010 POLICE STATEMENT. A man has been found dead in a river this morning wearing an England shirt,women's knickers,fishnet stockings,suspenders and a blow up doll on the end if his todger. Police have removed the shirt to save the family any unnecessary embarrassment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Para Handy Posted June 30, 2010 Report Share Posted June 30, 2010 The idea that our councillors can control the oil moneyCut Schools and music ect waste money on tunnelsThe best joke there is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted July 1, 2010 Report Share Posted July 1, 2010 I was in bed and the other half stuck a thin, brown, sweet smelling stick up my jacksie. I was incensed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassermaet Posted July 1, 2010 Report Share Posted July 1, 2010 The idea that our councillors can control the oil moneyCut Schools and music ect waste money on tunnelsThe best joke there is I agree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted July 2, 2010 Report Share Posted July 2, 2010 Tom had been in business for 25 years.Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...' 'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks Thank you.' As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.' 'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.' 'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! ..I'll be there. Thanks again.' 'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,' 'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?' 'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us..' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zebbidy Posted July 6, 2010 Report Share Posted July 6, 2010 I went clubbing the other day. It was all fun until Greenpeace showed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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