Malcolm Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked upfour cans and took them to the check out counter. The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you catfood without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food toeat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food foryour cat." The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to thestore. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cansof dog food. Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dogfood without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food toeat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food foryour dog." So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dogfood. The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little oldlady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said,"No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box thatwould harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled itout. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like turd." The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toiletpaper." Don't mess with old people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted January 1, 2012 Report Share Posted January 1, 2012 I share jokes with my friends. In leisure time we get together in our home and tell each other many funny jokes such as cat jokes, dog jokes, children’s jokes, old peoples jokes and many more. From all types of jokes i likes dog jokes much. Please all of you share some dog jokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shetlandpeat Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 Every time I search for a Dictaphone on Ebay, they keep giving me your number. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marooned in Maywick Posted January 29, 2012 Report Share Posted January 29, 2012 What d'you call a Glaswegian superhero? Quality man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nova00 Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 Hey, this is a fun festival of short jokes. To enjoy this festival we need to share more short jokes. One day a man was going to market and when he reached at the market he saw the was closed. He get afraid. After sometimes he become shocked, everybody wished him happy Halloween. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Para Handy Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 Two men from the Shetland sewage works went on a holiday to yell.But they breathed in to much fresh air and passed out.They had to throw two buckets of turds over them to bring them round. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuckleJoannie Posted February 10, 2012 Report Share Posted February 10, 2012 Two drafts of ballot forms for the Scottish independence referendum http://bigrab.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/referendum-ballot-paper-sneak-preview/ http://politicalscrapbook.net/2012/01/scottish-independence-referendum-ballot-paper-alex-salmond/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Para Handy Posted February 10, 2012 Report Share Posted February 10, 2012 Two drafts of ballot forms for the Scottish independence referendum http://bigrab.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/referendum-ballot-paper-sneak-preview/ http://politicalscrapbook.net/2012/01/scottish-independence-referendum-ballot-paper-alex-salmond/ Now MuckleJoannie if only our council elections were done in the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted February 21, 2012 Report Share Posted February 21, 2012 A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.. The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's but is still choking.Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!!After a few seconds the boy convulses violently andcoughs up the last of the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? " 'No,' the woman replied. I'm wi da S.I.C.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saltire Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 what is the differance between a kangaroo and a kangeroot? one is an australian animal,and the other is a geordie stuck in a lift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shetland_boys Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 What does a gay horse eat?Hayyyy (gay wave) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 What does a gay horse eat?Hayyyy (gay wave) I bet du breks intae fowks hooses,joost tae tidy up an pop a quiche in the oven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incongruous Eel Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/8301/fixky.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shetland_boys Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 What is postman pat without a job?Pat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?" CEO's are now playing miniature golf. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them . McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'. Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico . The Mafia is laying off judges. BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen. Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear! And, finally... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan . When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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