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Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?


Njugle
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A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up

four cans and took them to the check out counter.

 

The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat

food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to

eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for

your cat."

 

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the

store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cans

of dog food. Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog

food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to

eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for

your dog."

 

So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog

food.

 

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old

lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said,

"No, you might have a snake in there."

 

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that

would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it

out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like turd."

 

The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet

paper."

 

Don't mess with old people.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Anonymous

I share jokes with my friends. In leisure time we get together in our home and tell each other many funny jokes such as cat jokes, dog jokes, children’s jokes, old peoples jokes and many more. From all types of jokes i likes dog jokes much. Please all of you share some dog jokes.

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  • 2 weeks later...

 

Now MuckleJoannie if only our council elections were done in the same way.

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A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..

He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied.

 

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....

The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back..

 

The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's but is still choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

 

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

 

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!!

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and

coughs up the last of the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

 

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

 

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

 

 

'No,' the woman replied. I'm wi da S.I.C.'

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  • 2 weeks later...

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

 

I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

 

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

 

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

 

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'.

 

Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

 

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

 

The Mafia is laying off judges.

 

BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

 

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!

 

And, finally...

 

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan . When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

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