MuckleJoannie Posted December 22, 2014 Report Share Posted December 22, 2014 Alternative Xmas cracker jokes from the Guardian Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?To give a family spanning three generations a simple punchline at which they all could groan and thereby enjoy a small and rare moment of communion. Why are horse-drawn carriages so unpopular? Because horses are rubbish at drawing. What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf? You are so last season. Which author steals train sets from under the Christmas tree? Nick Hornby. I don’t like grasshoppers. They’re just not crickets. How do Santa’s employees have to register their tax returns?Elf assessment Why do male pickup artists keep pulling crackers at Christmas? Because they can’t pull any women, the idiots! What’s a dog’s favourite carol? Bark, the herald angels sing. What’s a mathematician’s favourite Christmas snack? A mince pi. Who wraps the little bits of bacon around the tiny sausages?It’s the pigs trying to put themselves back together again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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