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Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?


Njugle
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A young woman is depressed. She is unable to get a boyfriend due to the fact that she isn't particularly well-endowed in the chest department. In a fit of depression she is about to commit suicide when her fairy godmother appears.

 

"Hey," she asks, "what's the matter?"

 

"I can't get a boyfriend because I have no boobs," the young woman sobs. "They're too small!"

 

"Well, alright then," says the fairy godmother, and she waves her wand. "There," she says. "Now, whenever someone in your vicinity says 'Pardon?', your breasts will get a little bigger."

 

Indeed, several bra sizes later, the young woman is asked out on a date. Her dates takes her to the local Chinese, where she accidentally bumps into a waiter, who bows and says 'A thousand pardons, madam'."

 

The following day, the headline on the paper is "Man killed by two giant torpedoes."

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On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing Is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it.

 

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my Last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make

Me feel like a WOMAN?"

 

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

 

Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane. He Is handsome: well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time. No one

Moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

 

She gasps.

 

 

 

 

He whispers.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Iron this. Then get me a beer."

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A young woman goes to her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs. The sign says: "SEX FROGS! Only £20 each! Money Back Guarantee... Comes with complete

Instructions."

 

The woman excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions." The woman nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

 

As soon as she closes the door to her house she reads the instructions very carefully. She does exactly what is specified: Take a shower. Splash on some nice perfume. Slip into a very sexy nightie. Crawl into bed, place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to follow its training.

 

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The woman is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says: If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet shop. So, the lady calls the store. The man says, "Oh-Oh! I'll be right over."

 

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. She welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn thing just sits there."

 

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says... "Listen to me and watch me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

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Al burst into Dave's room to find Dave standing on a chair with a rope

around his waist and the end of the rope around the ceiling beam. "Hey

Dave, what do you think you're doing?" said Al.

 

"I'm committing suicide," replied Dave.

 

"Well you're going about it all wrong," said Al. "You're supposed to tie

the rope around your neck, not our waist."

 

"Man, but I tried that yesterday and I nearly choked."

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A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken

Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises

lightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes

looking around before the lid slams back down.

 

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

 

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and

again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before

it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what

is happening, and demands an explanation.

 

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

 

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

 

"Ah, so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."

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This man was going to be married to a lovely lass who had a heart problem , So the mother says to her daughter "You'll have to tell him about it" "Yes " she says "I will , but nearer the time" , "Well" replies the mother you'd better tell him cause I will if you dont". So on the morning of the wedding she still hasnt told him so mother in law says to him " Do you know that ****** has acute angina ?" "No" he says , But its just as well as she's got {'f' it was funny in Father Ted 'eck'} all in the tits department !!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

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They meet in a bar and get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"

 

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

 

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?"

 

"Didn't feel a thing!"

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The final exam in electrical engineering worried the class. Their

professor had the reputation of giving near impossible finals. And if

that wasn't enough, on the last day of classes, the professor had wished

the students good luck as he wrote a phone number on the

blackboard.

 

"If any of you have difficulty understanding the review material, call

this number," he said as he dismissed the class.

 

On Saturday afternoon, stumped by one of the review problems, a student

called the number and heard a recorded message ... from Dial-A- Prayer!

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There are over 11,000 male urologists in the US. But now a few women

have entered the field. One is Doctor Betty Fraser.

 

Maury goes to Dr. Fraser for an exam. Doctor Fraser says, "I am going

to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little

different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your

right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a

deep breath, and say '99.' "

 

Maury obeys and says, "99."

 

Doctor Betty says, "Great. Now turn over on your left side and again,

while I repeat the check, take a deep breath, and say '99.' "

 

Again, Maury says, "99."

 

Doctor Betty said, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back

with your knees raised slightly. I am going to check your prostate with

this hand, and with the other hand I am going to hold on to your

penis.. Now take a deep breath and say '99.' "

 

And Maury replies, "One...two...three..."

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The Old Perfesser was going over mischievous little Pauly's records with

his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Pauly used fowl

language today."

 

Pauly's mom, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha!

You spelled foul wrong."

 

The Old Perfesser corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your child called me

a big pile of chicken turd..."

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