Pooks Posted May 13, 2006 Report Share Posted May 13, 2006 I wis standin' at da holl-idda-waa' da idder day when an auld wife wandered ower and asked me tae help her check her balance. No wantin tae offend an auld wife I agreed and shivved her ower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L9ndh Posted May 13, 2006 Report Share Posted May 13, 2006 What does John Prescott have in common with MFI furniture? A couple of screws in the wrong place... and the whole cabinet falls apart! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 13, 2006 Report Share Posted May 13, 2006 A blonde got fired from the M&M sweeties factory..... .....she threw out all the 'W's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 (**Moderator edit - Joke removed due to content**) Terms & Conditions1. You agree, through your use of the Shetlink forums, that you will not post (or hyperlink to) any material or use language which is defamatory, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, inciting of violence, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or in violation of ANY UK law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Donald Rumsfeld is briefing President Bush: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "Oh no!" exclaims the president, "that's terrible!" His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands. Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 (**Moderator edit - Joke removed due to content**) Terms & Conditions1. You agree, through your use of the Shetlink forums, that you will not post (or hyperlink to) any material or use language which is defamatory, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, inciting of violence, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or in violation of ANY UK law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peeriebryan Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Jay, look 10 posts up for the Rumsfeld joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoolHaddock Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 ^ yin een wis said on this very page, less than 10 jokes ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 On a tour of Scotland, the Queen took a couple of days off to visit the west coast. Her Range Rover was proceeding along the golden sands of Saltcoats when there was an enormous commotion.They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Queen noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a Rangers jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Celtic tops sped into view one of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly.The other two reached out and pulled the Rangers fan from the water and using long clubs beat the shark to death.They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling from the shore........It was the Queen calling them to the beach.On reaching land the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said,"I'll give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I heard that the people of Scotland were bigoted and trying to divide the country in two but now I see this is a truly enlightened example of tribal harmony which could serve as a model for other nations."She knighted them and drove off. As she departed the harpoonist asked the others, "Who the {'f' it was funny in Father Ted 'eck'} was that?!" "That," one answered, "was the Queen. She's loved by Protestants and knows everything about our country." "Well," the harpoonist replied, "she knows {'f' it was funny in Father Ted 'eck'} all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up? Or do we need to get another one?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Little Tommy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour saw him. "What ya doin' Tommy?" he asks."My budgie died," replied the lad, "and I've just buried him."The neighbour was confused. "That's an awfully big hole for a budgie, isn't it?"Tommy smoothed over the last of the earth and replied, "That's because he's inside your feckin' cat!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Jay, look 10 posts up for the Rumsfeld jokeI do appologise. Can you forgive me dear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Q. What's the difference between a dead dog lying on the road, and a dead Rangers fan lying on the road? A. There are skidmarks in front of the dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 (**Moderator edit - Joke removed due to content**) Terms & Conditions1. You agree, through your use of the Shetlink forums, that you will not post (or hyperlink to) any material or use language which is defamatory, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, inciting of violence, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or in violation of ANY UK law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay_Corolla Posted May 14, 2006 Report Share Posted May 14, 2006 Old Sean lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Mick, who used to help him, was in an English prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Mick,I am feeling a mite down because it looks like I won't be able to plant me potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son: Dear Father,For Christ's sake, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried all them feckin' bodies!Love, Mick At four o'clock. the next morning, a dozen agents from Scotland Yard and local Gardai showed up and dug up the entire garden down to a depth of about six feet. That evening, not finding any bodies, they filled the lot in, apologized to the old man and left.The next day the old man received another letter from his son: Dear Father,Go ahead and plant yer spuds now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.Love, Mick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now