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Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?


Njugle
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Oops :( It would appear i'm missing "you". Not literally. Thank you McFly, I'm glad you noticed that, as it is apparent that a certain other still hasn't, which makes me happy.

 

:P

 

Are you having a curry PoodleHaddock? That's usually spelt "korma" or "kurma". Tsk, tsk. Usually quiet sweet though, as you say. :wink:

 

Some jokes:

    -Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
    -Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
    -Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
    -There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

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A visitor to the mental institution asked the director how he decided which patients should be kept in.

The Director said " We fill up a bath, then offer the patient a teaspoon, teacup or bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub".

The visitor said "Oh, I see, a normal person would choose the bucket, because its the biggest".

The Director said "No, a normal person would pull the f*****g plug out. Would you like a bed near the window?".

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Why shouldn't you make fun of a stupid dwarf?

 

 

Because it's not big and it's not clever.

 

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How do you Pikachu on a bus?

 

 

PokeHimOn.

 

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What's E.T. short for?

 

 

Because he's only got little legs

 

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(these next 2 need to be read out for full effect)

 

I went to the Zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog. It was a turdszu.

 

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A man walks into the doctors and says "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam".

The doctor said "Relax man, you're too tense".

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  • 2 weeks later...

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

 

 

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

 

 

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

 

 

4. It's important to have a woman who is great in bed and who likes to be with you.

 

 

5. It's very, very important that these four women NEVER meet.

:lol:

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John is in the class and has to tell a story with a moral to it.

 

"When me Da was in da war, he hed to bail oot ower enemy territory and all he could tak was a gun, a knife and a bottle of whiskey, da machine gun and da knife was to fight off da enemy and da whiskey was for drinking on da way doon if your parachute didna open. His chute didna open an he hed tae doon da whiskey in wan go, luckily he landed on marshy ground an was ok, but he was in da middle of 100 enemy troops. he killed seventy of dem we da machine gun until it ran oot of bullets, he den killed twenty more we da knife until da blade broke and den he killed da last 10 by snapping dir necks we his bare hands"

 

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "Is there really a moral to this story John?"

 

John replies, "Dunna f**k we Da whin he's hed a dram."

 

:twisted:

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What do madonna and a piece of toilet roll have in common?

 

They both get into the groove.

 

 

Whats the top selling Korean cook book this year?

 

100 ways to wok your dog.

 

 

Ten cows in a field which one is nearist Iraq?

 

Coo eight.

 

 

Three cows in a field which one is going on holiday?

 

The one with the wee calf.

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