Guest Anonymous Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai, so he sent out a declaration throughout the country he was searching for one. A year passed, and only 3 people showed up: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai, and a Jewish Samurai. The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh, went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground in 2 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is impressive!" The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate his skills. The Chinese Samurai also opened matchbox, and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, Whoosh, went his sword, and the fly dropped dead on the ground in 4 small pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is really VERY impressive!" The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whooooosh, Whooooosh. But the gnat was still alive and flying around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asked: "After all of that, why is the gnat not dead?" The Jewish Samurai smiled. "Well," he replied, "circumcision is not meant to kill." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 Eence upö a time, i da laand o Waster Skeld,Dir wis a peerie hoose whaur an awkward auld troll dwelled,He ranted an he raved an trootled aa day lang,'Til fok got fairly pissed aff listenin tae his sang. Bit trow da times he spooted forth his venom an his bile,Fok started tinkin dat his wirds wir really no wirt while,So he sank in tae obscurity, a relic o da past,Dis trootlin auld craetir, Victor Meldrew o da wast. Sorry guys,, just couldn't resist doing that.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulb Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 excellent. But trolling iam not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 Disn een's brawly good!! Tink it echos whit a lok o folk readin posts by "Victor Meldrew o da wast" ir been tinkin for a start! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nederlander Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 ^ Can we not have the big gaps before the answers please? Ahhh, thank you, glad someone else dislikes that as much as me! I hate all that "wait for it", "it's coming" rubbish, it's so irritating! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassermaet Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 I became friends with my best mate through a shared illness - we both suffer from inferiority complexes. His is better than mine though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 ^^^Some jokes just don't work without the 'scroll down' thing.. Such as,,, Forvik Island.. ooops, I got a post in between the one I was using the ^^^ to refer to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Para Handy Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 ^^^^Forvik Off the Island Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArabiaTerra Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 If you want to hide a punchline but avoid the wasted space, change the colour of the text so it only shows up when highlighted. Hence: I wanted to put a joke here, but I'm such a humourless bar steward, I couldn't think of one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anonymous Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 ^^^^That don't work.. Or my eyesight is bad, or my mouse just don't click like he should... Afraid I saw nothing.... crawling into a small dark corner now until I can phone my optician in the morning... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medziotojas Posted May 21, 2009 Report Share Posted May 21, 2009 If you want to hide a punchline but avoid the wasted space, change the colour of the text so it only shows up when highlighted. Hence: I wanted to put a joke here, but I'm such a humourless bar steward, I couldn't think of one. Hyperwords has its drawbacks. Everything you highlight on the Net opens a wee windae Oh yeah, joke thread, Girl walks into a bar and orders a double entendre, so the barman gives her one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddtablet Posted May 22, 2009 Report Share Posted May 22, 2009 Very Short Story : Man driving down road. Woman driving up same road. They pass each other. The woman yells out the window PIG! Man yells out window BITCH! Man rounds next curve. Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies. Thought For the Day: If men would just listen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted May 24, 2009 Report Share Posted May 24, 2009 A passenger was travelling on a train through the countryside when suddenly the train started lurching about and she was thrown about in the carriage for some 10 minutes. Eventually the lurching stopped and the train again ran smoothly. When the ticket inspector came she asked what the problem had been. "Oh nothing" replied the inspector "We just ran over a rabbit, that's all" "But how could a little rabbit cause so much shaking?" asked the passenger. "Well, we had to go over 3 hedges and a couple of ploughed fields, but we got the little beggar in the end" he said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Posted May 24, 2009 Report Share Posted May 24, 2009 ..I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down !" said the Big Bad Wolf. " Sod off, or I'll sneeze on you." said the little pig. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassermaet Posted May 25, 2009 Report Share Posted May 25, 2009 Last night I dreamt about a red octagon, with the word “STOP†emblazoned across it in white. I think it’s a sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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