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Pete Doherty was "created" by the KLF!


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I so want to believe this :)





Did The KLF Invent Pete Doherty?


The Internet, famously, is full of a lot of stoness. But every now and again we hear something that we want to be true so much that it hurts. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. You be the judge.


An amazing thing dropped through the letter box of hecklerspray’s letter box this morning. In a largely unmarked envelope, save the words ‘ImpOrtANt ThiS’, we gallant and giddy lot started foaming at the beak because this was either a bomb or staggering bum shattering news. OK, being truthful, we got an email, and started gawping.


Why? Because it claims that Pete Doherty is nothing more than an invention of the KLF, that’s why.



According to an email we got, Pete Doherty (DVDs) is a giant hoax created by Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty of KLF/ burning a million quid/ firing blanks at Brits audiences/ leaving dead sheep lying around fame. Evidence? You want evidence? Here’s what the email said:


“The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an

expected surge in calls as troubled fans come to terms with today’s

revelations about rocker and teen icon Pete Doherty. In a surprise

press conference today, the men behind Doherty’s career revealed

themselves - and admitted that the Libertines, Babyshambles, the tales

of drug use, the armed robberies and the affair with supermodel Kate

Moss have all been part of one of the largest hoaxes in British



The men behind the scandal - Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who were

themselves infamous popstars under the name The KLF - apparently admitted how they

plucked a young Buddy Holly impersonator from obscurity and made him a



"It was a meant to be a quick stunt to show the frailties of our

celebrity-obsessed culture," said Cauty, adding, "there are too many

people who are famous despite their lack of talent, usefulness and

basic intelligence. We wanted to do something that held a mirror up to



Drummond and Cauty, two people whom genius is a hat that really fits,

carried on in their prepared statements about how Doherty, real name Trevor McDermott was making a paltry living as a Buddy Holly

impersonator, it is claimed. Being a general trampy arsed buffoon, the duo quickly

realised that this toad would be ideal for their grand duping:


"The plan involved proving three theories we have about current British

society. The first is that in the so-called

"alternative" scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big

Thing to worry about anything else." To prove this, some session

musicians were provided to compose the rest of the "band", The

Libertines, and rumours of explosive gigs were leaked to the media. The gigs in question never actually took place, but we didn’t have to

worry about that. Soon the buzz around The Libertines was so frenetic,

journalists were falling over themselves to claim to have been at the

front of every single fictional gig."


Within weeks, The Libertines had gone overground, and wombling free. The e-mail alleges that Drummond and Cauty moved to their second theory:


"We feel that our

culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don’t care what a person

thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in

their normal lives. Especially when it’s something they shouldn’t be



To demonstrate this marvellous notion, it’s claimed that the fab two orchestrated a number

of scandals. The first was the notorious robbery staged in the house of

Carl ‘P45’ Barat. When the house-usery took place, McDermott (aka

Doherty) was virtually an unknown outside of the wank-mag, NME but

afterwards? Front page of every major national tabloid. A twist in the tale was yet to unfurl. That was the affair with the

most famous Mantis in the world Kate Moss.


"That was not something that

we planned or had any involvement. Whether she knew about the hoax is

something we are not party to. We have never had any contact with Miss



This was a surprising result for the experiment. Smack, cracks and

crime had made McDermott a media hot spud, the relationship with one of

fashion’s most famous women slung the hopeless {by the way, do you realise I tried to swear here?} into the world of

A-List celebritard.


In spite of this boon, the project started turning into a major setback

for Drummond and Cauty. The email claims they were preparing to enter the ‘final

phase’ of the scheme, ‘Doherty’ decided that he wanted to part company

with them and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked:


"We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also

at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem - that

‘If enough people say that a piece of sprootle is a bar of gold, we’ll

believe it’s a bar of gold’ - seemed to have been beyond salvation.

Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album."


In the time since then, the e-mails states that Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a

vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the

discovery of a video showing McDermott/Doherty singing Peggy Sue at a

holiday camp in Devon. McDermott still denies all charges at the time

of press.


Will this sausage Doherty’s career up? Who knows. Won’t hurt to try, though.

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That has all the hallmarks of a good urban legend. Mostly, the fact that I really hope it's true!


I can't see how even that pair of perennial pranksters could pull that one off.


Mostly I don't believe it from the very first line though: 'The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an

expected surge in calls as troubled fans...'


Sounds like bunk to me. I dunno but I don't think this sounds plausible. The Samaritans are a voluntary service; I doubt they're turning away people who want to help at any time and I certainly don't expect they've got the resources to watch pop-culture so closely and pander to the fickle tides of mainstream opinion... perhaps I'm doing them a disservice; I've no idea. Just doesn't seem plausible to me.


Many such hoaxes begin by appealing to some higher authority (Microsoft and AOL have today issued a virus warning... etc) and the Samaritans are convenient for this.


This does sound like something Bill and Jimmy would do; they have the means, the motive and the prior experience necessary...


We want to believe it because it explains how such a person as Doherty can be so successful when other, far more able musicians are living a much less celebratory existence.



I've found copies of this going as far back as February and it's never surfaced in any significant fashion which I would expect by now if it were true.


I dunno - I'll cross my fingers, but I'm not hopeful.

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Not really. All vicious lies. Pete Doherty is a wonderful artist, who will no doubt have a long and successful music career due to his incedible musical talents. This was concocted as part of HateQuest 2006


From this site which is said to be the origin of the rumour.



Click here for the original Pete Doherty "appreciation" thread. :wink:

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