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Benefit Quandary


BigMouth
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I am concerned about the government's proposal to reduce my benefit. I have 11 children and do rather well out of the state. I had this many children to support the government, who said that there were too many old people and that we needed more new births to support the older people, to wipe their bums as well as pay into a system so the old folks could have a pension. I was of course working at one time, able to support the family, but then due to the recession, caused by the bankers(?), I lost my job, hence being on benefit. I live in private rented accommodation and my landlord charges £1,000 per month.

 

Is it morally right for me to put my seven youngest children into care if my benefit is reduced? They will still be able to see my wife and I on weekly visits and it will create jobs in the community to look after them.

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Guest CyprusPluto

Dear BigMouth

 

I admire your ingenuity and foresight for future prosperity.

 

I too had a problem similar to yours and decided to make a clean break.

 

I originally sold my children on Ebay over the last few months and invested the proceeds in numerous banks across the globe. I now receive a handsome income from the profits these investments make and have just bought a yacht off my island in the Carribean.

 

What's more I have now bought back my children and they all attend a well-funded private school and we have private healthcare.

 

This recession is absolutely brilliant :twisted:

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Have you seen Monty Python's "Meaning of Life"?

 

Sadly not. The level of benefits claimed meant that we left the videos and DVDs for The Others and bought the Blu-ray discs. As far as I am aware this title is unobtainable on our preferred format.

 

I am led to understand from my neighbour, who works hard for a living that one of the main characters could "see his house from up here". I am still at a loss how he had the time for such entertainment as he seemed to be at work all hours of the day and night, but I suppose that is the problem with accepting minimum wage employment. What probably kept his family warm through the winter nights, as they sat around the peat fire, was the knowledge that at least his employer was able to drive a luxury car and live in a fine house, much like my family.

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11 of 'em, BM? Well ...

 

(a) Train them up as a football team and find a Russian billionaire;

 

(B) Teach them to play music and tour as

... (i) two string quartets and a trio or perhaps

... (ii) the BigMouth BigBand;

 

© Rent them out to other benefit claimants (don't declare the income from this, obviously);

 

(d) Become a banker yourself - great money, no useful skills required;

 

(e) Or of course, there's always Jonathan Swift's "Modest Proposal" :shock: ... which one looks tastiest?

 

As for sensible suggestions ... errr ... join the revolution?

 

(PS - Sorry if (e) means you never see your children in quite the same way again. :) )

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