Shetland_boys Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 I dont mean full on beating up your child, but a smack to let them know what they did was wrong and learn them a bit of respect without being arrested for it.When my partners mother was in school she was cheeky to her teacher and the teacher clipped her round the ear, so she went home and told her mother who then gave her another clip round the ear for being cheeky to her teacher. And when i was in school a teacher shouted at a kid for being rude and his dad came in and threatened the teacher. The more time goes on the more respect is lost in society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JordanKZ Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 My mum or dad never hit me... The fact is, if you're given proper guidelines and rules as a child you should never have to resort to violence. Ever. Hitting a defenceless child turns you into a pretty worthless person in my opinion. However, I'm yet to have children. I'm probably not going to have any for a number of years yet. So, who knows... My opinion may change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulb Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 I dont mean full on beating up your child, but a smack to let them know what they did was wrong and learn them a bit of respect without being arrested for it.When my partners mother was in school she was cheeky to her teacher and the teacher clipped her round the ear, so she went home and told her mother who then gave her another clip round the ear for being cheeky to her teacher. And when i was in school a teacher shouted at a kid for being rude and his dad came in and threatened the teacher. The more time goes on the more respect is lost in society.really for your sake don't even think aout it. the police are very keen on child safty and being locked up is not fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shetland_boys Posted February 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 Dont worry about me paul. I respect the law, this is just a simple question. Last time i hit someone was when they told me about 15 times i was a faggot on the bressay ferry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Inky Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 No. Hitting people smaller than yourself is frowned upon in polite society, and I don't see why hitting children should be an exception to this rule. I don't hit my wife or my mother, and I don't hit my son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PS13 Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 As a mother of two myself, now 16 and 17. My advice is 'no' please dont ever resort to a smack, even a tap over the hand. Children need boundaries, rules, guidelines, and they seek these through various methods - including attention, which may in turn have that thought of a 'quick smack over the wrist' , all because they are looking for your attention 3/4 of the time, or no boundaries, or 'false threats' are being followed through, in turn confusing them even more. Once you set these guidelines, you will find communication works best with your child. Reasons - sitting down and 'hearing them' not just 'listening'. You will soon have your trust built up, and your child will in turn stop displaying the behavior which leads you to imagine for a split second whether or not to 'smack your child'. All children at points through there lives will push us to the max, where we feel unable to disciplined in any other method, however if that trust is built up through communication - which could be as simple as a family tea around a table which would in turn give the child freedom of speech, in a safe environment as their own home, this can be avoided. Going back around 8/9 years ago with my daughter, ending a nightshift myself, she became very verbal, a split second later a slap , very tiny one on her shoulder - led me to open my door to social work and police. OK so an investigation took place, and it was found I was just doing as a 'normal' parent would have done in the circumstances. For me, however it opened my eyes to the law, and how much even the slightest form of any slap/smack can impose. I would urge anyone not to lift their hands to children, and to either use different forms to wondering why your child is acting in a way that questions your parent skills. There are some good books out there looking at different strategies to work with your child. They are extremely useful. Please remember we are no longer living in the 70's /80's . Law has changed, and children now are given every opportunity to express concerns through confidential lines as well as being taught their rights throughout their school life. OK , so you may wonder ' for what use' , well hopefully to look at different angles to talk to our children and hear them - thus avoiding any means that would place a parent in a situation that would put your child at risk or place a conviction on your record and possibly your child on a child protection order. ( It's not worth it!). Listening and hearing, as well as followed through boundaries could prevent a trail of destruction through one split second with a smack to a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unlinkedstudent Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 Yes. Is Scotland different to England & Wales then? In E&W the law states that you are not allowed to cause "significant harm". Some psychiatrists put forward the argument that you shouldn't even raise your voice to a child whereas others do advocate doing so, including a light slap. Crumbs, I remember the debates on this very issue when doing OU. Those in favour pointed out that by raising your voice you were expressing an emotion and it would be wrong to shield them from such an emotion and likewise, by refraining from even a light tap/smack, how is a child going to learn pain from hitting someone and why it is not a good idea to punch another kid in the playground? Take, for example, you have a young child about to place their hand on the cooker door which is hot. Sometimes, a loud shout just isn't suffice. What about when your offspring (good as gold when a younger kid) decides as a bolshy teenager to chin ya? Are you not allowed to use self defence? There is a vast difference IMHO between a light smack and full-on physical abuse hence the wording contained within the Act of "significant harm". This is usually interpreted that significant harm has occurred if you leave a bruise. How are parents meant to exercise parental responsibility? You aren't allowed to ground them/lock them in their rooms. Reason with them? Not all teenagers will listen to reason. Bribe them? Some couldn't give a stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulb Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 yes its diffrent. much more proactive if thats the right word. thou i think the police in e&w would react the same now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crofter Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 No, it should not be legal. What are you teaching a child by giving them a slap? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shetland_boys Posted February 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 To think before they act, or respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unlinkedstudent Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 No, it should not be legal. What are you teaching a child by giving them a slap? That actions have consequences? Some parents believe in the "Count to 5" system or some in the "3 warnings". In such instances, anger is not part of it and it is more controlled. To slap a child in anger is wrong. Some children/young people (Don't you just lurve the trendy names thrown around?) simply do not respond to explanations/chats about why they shouldn't do something but do respond to "light" pain. How many of us had the slipper at school? I had it once - never again. I do recall seeing some research yonks ago in my study days that showed that juvenile crime had increased since the abolition of corporal punishment and the introduction of the Childrens Act. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Inky Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 Take, for example, you have a young child about to place their hand on the cooker door which is hot. I would grab them and pull them away, much as I might physically prevent an adult from stepping into the path of an oncoming bus. However, I would no more smack a child for nearly burning itself on a cooker, than I would smack an adult for not looking before they cross the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unlinkedstudent Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 Take, for example, you have a young child about to place their hand on the cooker door which is hot. I would grab them and pull them away, much as I might physically prevent an adult from stepping into the path of an oncoming bus. ... And by grabbing them and pulling them away, you run the risk of dislocating a collar bone, tearing a ligament, etc.; in essence, causing "significant harm" than giving them a gentle tap. I referred above to my study days. One example given regarding the reason for a gentle tap/light slap when faced with an incident such as a hot cooker door/reaching for pan on stove (Yes, we know you should have a guard) was the explanation to the child afterwards that if they thought the gentle tap/light slap hurt, then had they burnt themselves it would be far greater. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PS13 Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 Yes, I get your point re: raising voices when a toddler touches a hot oven, but from childhood should we not be teaching the children that dont touch in the first place, and the reasons behind it : ie - you would be burnt, it it very hot etc.... and the implications. Communication my guess is the way forward in this years we are in, where Scotland, other than E and W would differ slightly, but no, no smacking. I guess we all raise our voices, and most of the time its usually from fear for what our little ones may harm themselves against ; sibling rivalry where you're always going to get the creaming and blaming - how do you control it without a raised voice at times _ just depends how close a family unit you have and whether negotiations can take place around a table. Not always having to bribe ( as my 17 year old says - its not about what you buy me to pawn me off - it's your love is all I need - and on that note - it's how as a parent we show love! ) It's a hard call for any parent - good judgement - doesn't always mean its lawful to lift a hand/raise a voice, but as common sence and a little education - without judging anyone there, we have to move forward into a society that we can only see deteriorating year by year as our children at times have not been disciplined that we had a youngsters ( and I guess for some - slight fear never to do it again ) Two helpful books I found as my kids were getting into their teens, and involved in friends nights out were: 1-How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk - author: Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish ( both authors of Liberated parents/liberated children ) 2-Teenagers , what every parent has to know : author Rob Parsons As much as its straying from initial post - just may be helpul to someone out there - they are very easy books to pick up and put down, easy reading. Theres NO perfect parent out there, we all have our faults at times, and split instances that we question the rights or wrongs. Our children never asked to be here - its us who took them into the world, to support them, give them guidance, emotional, psychological, educational support and put them on a nice clear path into life posing no threats or behavior we seen many moons ago by our own parents/grandparents etc... The law has changed so much and so fast, we nearly need to be chasing it with our children and directing them appropriately. Background research would suggest, once hit as a child, they will go on in later life to hit themselves, sometimes to the extreme, so no I don't feel it works at all. It may be hard to begin to communicate with a younger child, but amazingly within 2 weeks, they are seeking that communication back from you. Turn them around before 12, because my experience once at around 12, it gets harder to gain their trust. But that's only my take on it, I'm sure you all have your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Inky Posted February 9, 2012 Report Share Posted February 9, 2012 Take, for example, you have a young child about to place their hand on the cooker door which is hot. I would grab them and pull them away, much as I might physically prevent an adult from stepping into the path of an oncoming bus. ... And by grabbing them and pulling them away, you run the risk of dislocating a collar bone, tearing a ligament, etc.; in essence, causing "significant harm" than giving them a gentle tap. It's quite a small risk, though, isn't it? I've been preventing my son from playing with knives, boiling water, bleach, and electric sockets for years, and I've somehow managed not to injure him in the process. (And in the bus example, I'd rather have a dislocated collar bone than be run over by a bus.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now