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Things you don't want to hear during sex....

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"I've got this fantasy about Bob Holness..."


"It doesn't matter, darling"


"Yeah, It's been really itchy down there since I got back from Sharon's hen night in Magaluf"


"Are you in yet?"


"How was it? Mercifully brief".


"Our cieling could really do with a fresh lick of paint"


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the sound of someone drilling if you live in a detached house


eh darling...it's stuck


the fire alarm


"you don't wanna do that...only me"


who the f***s that at da window?


"is that a chainsaw?"


so how many attachments come with this hoover?


can i interest you in the daz doorstep challenge?


best be quick hun, bit of a dicky stomach


did you just see that doll move?


now where did i put da gimp mask?


have you ever seen dat film deliverence?


i'll be frodo you be sam


would you believe it, my periods came


dunno how to say this but, and its not my fault, but you know that tube of lube? well it wisna lube...


i can't see any cctv


can you guess where it is yet?


now you'll like this...not a lot, but you'll like this (amazing whit du can dae wi folks catchphrases :wink: )


now the kids will be home in half an hour...it'll take you an hour to get out of that lock, 20 minutes to saw your way through with this...


oh good, that'll be my hubby home...now you are in for a surprise, he likes big men


i used to work on a psychiatric ward...ok, when i say worked


i thought you were a woman


my fellow armadillos... (ain fir da dead ringers crood :wink: )


now first i'd like to say a wee prayer

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