Heimdal

Two Aberdonian farmers, Tam and Shuie, are sitting in the Farmers Bar, Tam turns to Shuie and says, "Ye ken fit? I'm tired o'gan through life withoot an education. I'morn, I think I'll ging doon to the community college and sign up for some classes." Shuie thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day Tam goes down to the college and meets the Lecturer, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Maths, English, History and logic. "Logic?" Tam says. "Fit's at?" The Lecturer says, "I'll show you. Do you own a Strimmer?" "Aye" "Then logically because you own a Strimmer, I think that you have a Garden" "That's true, I dee huv a Gerden." "I'm not done," the Lecturer says. "Because you have a Garden, I think logically that you would have a house." "Aye, I dee huv a hoose." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I huv a femily." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yer nae wrang!! I dee huv a wife !!" "And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a heterosexual ?" "I am a heterosexual. That's amazin' !! You were able to find a' that oot, jist 'cos I huv a strimmer." Excited to take the class now, Tam shakes the Lecturer's hand and leaves to meet Shuie at the pub. He tells Shuie about his classes, how he is signed up for Maths, English, History and logic. "Logic?" Shuie says, "Fit's at?" Tam says, "I'll tell ye. Di ye huv a strimmer?" "No." "Well then, yer a poof."

Who cares about football ? To me it's about 22 men kicking a bag of wind around a park, and needing another 3 men to make sure they stick to the rules. What a load of rubbish ! N.B. I am prepared for flak, which will be ignored. Further, I doubt that I will have much support, simply because not too many people are bothered to read the 'Sports' section, because they are just not interested. My opinion, and I'll stick to it. Discuss.

When there was a sandeel fishery locally, the gleppie was name used by the fishermen for the machine lowered into the hold to discharge the (bulk) catch, sometimes into boxes on the pier at the Lerwick side. At the Bressay side the bigger machine there gleppit the fish much faster.

'New' Shetland words :- Windy pick Sitooterie Gleppie

Dat's nithin, da last time I wis at da troots I got een dat wis dat big at joost da photo o' it was fower pound.

Words, Snyrk and Nyvil ( my phonetic spelling)

How do you make a cat drink Put it in the liquidizer.

Unless of course that state has led you to mistakenly believe, that someone else's house, and dog, are your own. 8O Hmm.... good point, hasn't happened, so far

Dogs have to be the best animals. It does not matter what state you are in when you get home at 3 in the morning, the dog is ALWAYS please to see you

Back in the days of valve radios, William Johnson ran a shop called 'Radio Corner' (where Swansons the jewellers are now). It was always referred to locally as 'Wireless Willie's'. Later, his son of the same name took over, and it was referred to as 'Radio Bill's'

Tomorrow's World, they flit from what was Jim Burgess's garage to where Ian's Fish and Chips is now ( or maybe the other way round) Where was Mainland Electronics shop, I can't recall them at all

Do a Google for 'Dalzel Job', he was some guy