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Para Handy

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  1. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Sukibind in Are these the most expensive potatoes in Shetland?   
    I bought a 5 kilo bag of Scottish potatoes ( Mainlands) from the Co-op and was charged £6.00. This is more than double the amount that I would pay for spuds in Tesco. I have kept the receipt - I might even frame it!!
  2. Like
    Para Handy got a reaction from concerned shetlander in Shetland windfarm - Viking Energy   
    Charitable Trust may as well take 11 million pounds and burn it at the dump they would get more for their money 
     
  3. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Ghostrider in Alistair Carmichael memo leak and inquiry: should he resign?   
    Just an afterthought.....but am I the only one who actually feels a little relieved that we now have proof that Carmichael isn't quite the squeaky clean, square, boring barsteward we knew he couldn't be, but public perception wouldn't stop insisting he was.
     
    I'm not going to knock someone who will stoop to a bit of skullduggery and rule bending when the means justify the end.
  4. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Windwalker in Alistair Carmichael memo leak and inquiry: should he resign?   
    Of course there is no costs involved with arranging another by-election
     
    The guy was caught, has apologised and let's be honest, it's not the worst crime in the world. he allowed his aid to leak a memo, he didn't break her legs. There all at it. Find me a politician who hasn't twisted something or told white lies at some time.
     
    I
  5. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Ghostrider in Alistair Carmichael memo leak and inquiry: should he resign?   
    If she'd not been gobbing off to some Frenchie, she couldn't have been accused of saying anything.
     
    How good is the word of a French politician any more than a Brit one? Maybe the Frenchie is lying, maybe Carmichel was telling the truth before and is lying now for some ulterior motive, who knows? The all lie all of the time if it suits them, its an unwritten pre-requisite of the job.
  6. Like
    Para Handy got a reaction from Frances144 in Shetland Spitfire   
    http://img836.imageshack.us/img836/3632/imagephprb.jpg
     
    Shetland Spitfire purchased by the Shetland community for the buy a Spitfire campaign
    But have found not a lot about it on the internet
     
     
     
    http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/3951/imageggphp.jpg
  7. Like
    Para Handy got a reaction from Scorrie in Wi-Fi in hospital   
    GBh now has wi-fi NHSGuest is what you look for and clicl connect no pass word requird and it is fast too. You can also get it at Unst Care and Levenwick Care homes. but sppeed is no more than 2mbph .
  8. Like
    Para Handy got a reaction from Malcolm in Wi-Fi in hospital   
    GBh now has wi-fi NHSGuest is what you look for and clicl connect no pass word requird and it is fast too. You can also get it at Unst Care and Levenwick Care homes. but sppeed is no more than 2mbph .
  9. Like
    Para Handy got a reaction from Aaron Foord in Supermarkets in Shetland - prices, ethics and experiences   
    Yes why not maybe they could set up in brae instead of lerwick why should the people of Shetland be denied the right of choice to where they can shop On my trips to Aberdeen I take my car and shop
    It’s a lot cheaper than shopping up here
  10. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Malcolm in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human
    Beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.
     
     
     
    A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered',
    She volunteered.
     
     
     
    The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could
    become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
     
     
     
    'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
    Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we Knew it,
    he jumped over the fence into our yard!'
     
    'That must've been scary', said the teacher
     
    'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went
    'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...And before he could say 'F***', the Rottweiler ate
    him!'
  11. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Malcolm in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    '1'
    Blaming your farts on me.....
    not funny... not funny at all !!!
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog1.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '2'
    Yelling at me for barking.
    I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog2.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '3'
    Taking me for a walk, then
    not letting me check stuff out.
    Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog3.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '4'
    Any trick that involves balancing
    food on my nose. Stop it!
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog4.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '5'
    Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
    Now you know why we chew your stuff
    up when you're not home.
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog5.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '6'
    The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
    You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what
    a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog6.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '7'
    Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip',
    then acting surprised when I freak
    out every time we go back!
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog7.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '8'
    Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
    Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog8.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '9'
    Dog sweaters. Hello ???
    Haven't you noticed the fur?
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog9.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    '10'
    How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
    Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.
    http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/Dog10.jpg
    --------------------------------------------------
    Now lay off me on some of these things.
    We both know who's boss here!
    You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
  12. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Malcolm in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    A man was in a Hallmark store, trying to pick out an anniversary card for
    his wife. The clerk was concerned that the customer had already spent a
    half-hour searching for the right anniversary greeting.
     
    After watching the man lingering over one card after another, the clerk
    went to see if she could help. - "Is there a problem?" she asked.
     
    "Yes, there is," he replied ruefully. - "I can't find one card my wife will
    believe."
  13. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Suzanna in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.
     
    "Where does poo come from?" she asks.
     
    The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:
     
    "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"
     
    "Yes," answers the girl.
     
    "Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."
     
    The little girl looks horrified, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:
     
    wait for it
    >
    >
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    >
     
    "And Tigger?"
  14. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Malcolm in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage.
    ~~~
    Well, there's a very simple answer.
    ~~~
    Nobody bothered to check the oil.
    ~~~
    We just didn't know we were getting low.
    ~~~
    The reason for that is purely geographical.
    ~~~
    Our OIL is located in
    ~~~
    The North Sea
    ~~~
    Our DIPSTICKS are located in Westminster !!!
     
    Any Questions ???
    NO? I didn't think so!!
  15. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Malcolm in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    50.000 Ozzies meet at Ballymore Park for a "Ozzies Are Not Stupid"
    Convention.
    John Howard says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that
    Ozzies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer." George Gregan gingerly
    works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.Little Johnny asks
    him, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds George says,
    "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 50,000
    Ozzies start cheering, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER
    CHANCE!" Little Johnny says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
    50,000 of you in one place and we have the world wide press and global
    broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance." So he
    asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
    After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety!"
    Johnny is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -
    everyone is disheartened - George starts crying and the 50,000 Ozzies
    begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
    "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
    John, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage,
    eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance.....What is 2 plus 2?"
     
    George closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says,
    "Four!" Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 50,000
    Ozzies jump to their feet, wave their arms, stamp their feet and
    scream....
    "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
  16. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Twerto in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    Why are there no casinos in china.
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    because they hate tibet
  17. Like
    Para Handy reacted to sassermaet in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
     
    The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
     
    The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
  18. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Malcolm in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday.
     
    I walked into the Lerwick Building Centre yesterday lunchtime and some old guy dressed in a blue boilersuit asked me if I wanted decking.
     
    Fortunately, I got the first punch in and laid him right out .
     
    Those less suspecting might not be so lucky!!
     
    Pass this warning on....
     

  19. Like
    Para Handy reacted to Malcolm in Any Good Jokes Gyaan Aboot?   
    When you have a 'I Hate My Job' day,
    [even if retired you have those sometimes]
    try this:
     
     
     
    On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
    thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
    Johnson
     
     
    Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors,
    draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
     
     
     
     
    Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
    Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
    a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
     
     
    Now the fun part begins.
     
     
    Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will
    notice that in small print there is a statement:
     
     
    'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested
    and then sanitized. '
     
     
     
     
    Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,'I am so glad I do
    not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &
    Johnson.'
     
    REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
    THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BACKSIDE THAN YOURS!
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