Malcolm

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-29133217

The Cardinal was asked by FHM magazine which grooming products he used. He replied that................................Smarties and Haribo's always worked for him..

Erm, it could be that your flash player needs updating.

"Olaf Gerritupyeson" ? C'mmon surely you can do better than that!

There is a lot of car share going on in Shetland. Cars not abandoned, just parked

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 pm. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in. "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas. What the hell did you bring him home for?" "Because he's thinking of getting married."

I can't stand people who think their worse off than everyone else in the world, my mate Derek is brilliant. He had a really bad accident, lost his voice and both legs. Does he make a song and dance about it? Does he buggery!

My cousin went to Switzerland for assisted suicide. For her last breakfast the buggers gave her a bowl of Cheerio's!

I’ve just got my nephew a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas. Although what he wants with an ex-box I’ll never know. Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.'Tiny', answers the Man. 'Why's that?' enquires the barmaid. 'Because he's my newt' .

Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To escape Njugle's fowl threat. "Sorry but Njugle dared me"

Who says Celtic and Rangers are enemies? http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a255/ginluvva/Fun%20pics/brokebackmountainglasgow-1.jpg [/img]

Just a few

http://www.shetnews.co.uk/newsbites/7058-power-cut-probe

As much as I like the idea of making them a cuppa I also think you should photograph as much as you can and if you are going to complain to the roads dept then you need to do it whilst the workmen are still there.

There was one here at one am this morning cuckooing till about 6-7am, not heard it since then though.

USE OF FOG LIGHTS Rule 133 of the current Highway Code states: - 'Use fog lights when visibility is seriously reduced’ This generally means when you cannot see for more than 100 metres (328 ft). You MUST NOT use fog lights at other times'. Remember to switch them off when visibility improves. So relating figures to actual distances is not only very important regarding stopping distances, it is very relevant to the above rule. It can be very irritating when rear fog lights are left on in good visibility. Naturally they are quite bright and it is not so obvious when the driver is braking. I think some people do genuinely forget to switch them off, (where has their concentration gone?) I think some people put them on as they probably feel more secure and others may feel it keeps tailgaters at bay. No doubt there are many more reasons why people leave fog lights on; but they may not be aware they are breaking the law. This could lead to them being pulled up by the police and who knows what that could lead to. Like I have said, leaving fog lights on is irritating; used correctly, they are an invaluable asset.

We used to drive through Garstang quite often (once or twice a month) and drove extra slow to take in the lovely well kept gardens, even had the odd picnic on the grass by the river in the middle of the village.. One thing to come out of everyone (or nearly) taking part in keeping the village very well kept was that the house prices rose and there were more village orientated events that were always well attended.

Wasn't missed, just mods not dealt with it yet

You getting desperate there Midget?

How much are eggs (Duck & Hen) selling for at roadside stalls these days ?

One idea I had was to follow the foreign marketing ways and have local craft stalls set up when cruise liners come in (weather permitting). Market cross could take half a dozen stalls plus areas with a setback (ie outside cope,boots & the RSB etc).

Don't forget not all call centre's are in India.

Whatever you do DO NOT blow a whistle down the line as this is not only illegal but dangerous and could lead to prosecution by the person on the other end and BT.

Good news... The homophobic pope ir resigning due to ill health. Bad news.. ATOS say he is fit to work.

A nice place for kids to play? Hmmmm tricky... Eureka! "SHETLAND" !!!