Unst. Miserable

[bluevac]

Can anyone tell me why the people of Unst are so miserable and unfriendly?

Is it because they don't have a lot of social interaction ?

Is it something in the water?

Do they not like other people?

Or are they just miserable and unfriendly for the sake of it.

Btw I'm not running them down as I'm sure there must be at least one person in Unst who smiles and I must have missed them. It's a genuine question so please don't take offense.

[tirvaluk]

This must be a wind up, Unst people are some of the friendliest people you will ever meet.

[Claadehol]

Bluevac sucks! Nothing wrong with the Unst folks!

[Ghostrider]

OP, I'm the one thats miserable and unfriendly for the sake of it, and I'm at the Ness, not Unst.

[Paolo67]

They are indeed a picture of misery and gloom Bluevac, for many reasons;

 

With even the slightest change in ferry timetables they are forced to eat cormorants.

Excessive consumption of salted cormorants over prolonged winters has been linked to rickets in children and diabetes in rats. Rickety children and diabetic rats is the stark reality faced by Unst folks in austere times. 

The parents of the rickety children are also fighting to save the last surviving school and the last surviving Talc quarry on the island to secure a future for the community. Both are riddled with asbestos.

A council survey recently concluded that 76% of Unst people can't even spell 'community' without the help of Google,

Another council survey concluded that 76% of Unst people can' access Google without installing Satellite Broadband.

That same 76% also failed to spell 'Satellite' within seven attempts.

A greater number of Unst people carry a smouldering anger, frustration and paranoia against the world of inanimate objects and failing electronic devices. They punch plasterboard walls regularly to vent their rage. Their houses are well vented too and the rats get in.

There is also a suspected serial killer at large. The population has dropped from 1100 to 500 in twenty years and Police have found no leads. The Policeman disappeared too in 2001.

 

The last job on the island is also under threat of automation since the Waterboard decided not to replace the technician who regulated the fluoride and chlorine levels in the Island's water supply. A lost generation of rickety children had their education tailored for this post and were groomed for the position. They are probably qualified to run a bath or operate anything wth two taps. Their only other skill set would be fishing a dead horse from a loch if required. 

76% of that lost generation couldn't spell 'maintenance' or 'technician'.

That was their happy lot.

No longer.

 

Lastly, following two decades of exposure to the noise pollution of oil traffic they suffer from P.F.T., a Pitch Fluctuating variant of Tinnitus which rings like a constant National Anthem of 'God Save the Queen' in their ears giving them an aloofness and reverent countenance that could be misinterpreted as a dismissive stiffness of character.

 

In sadder times now, the skies are no longer a choppity-chug of helicopters; the toxic talc quarries are no longer a thud of dynamite and diesel water-pumps; the wax-buffed school floors are no longer a-squeak or a scurry of plimsoled feet running to the clangity-clang of a janitor's bell and 76% of Unst people can't spell 'marmalade'.

In Unst they call it 'orange jam'.

Edited April 22, 2018 by Paolo67

[Paolo67]

In Unst, any reliance on 'lovely' or 'super' in descriptive narrative is hackneyed superficial gush. Unst people only use adjectives to describe something that is dead, lost or stolen. 

We used to have a policeman.

He was a lovely guy.

 

People still play badminton. The badminton scene is the only scene and it has always been a thriving scene. Whoever and whatever you are.. on Thursday evenings you are free to strut your stuff in badminton shorts. The serial killer probably enjoys Badminton.

 

The population has reached a critical point where it cannot sustain a Masonic Lodge. The Unst Councillor punches above his weight, the schools close and children get rickets. Most children would prefer to be in an orphanage than a happy family unit. At least they would get a wifi connection.

They could post smileys and super selfies like everybody else.

Aww. 

[George.]

I heard a wee story regarding folk up in Unst. They are known to get supposedly unhappy, angy even, when they have to put up with the uneducated who are employed by the S. I.C. That's how the story went, anyway. If I ever hear who wrote it or told it first, I'll let you all know about it.

 

Of course, perhaps it's perhaps got something to do with the new collection of rubbish. Word is going about that it'll get blown all over Unst, probably all the islands but perhaps it's just rubbish.

 

Or garbage.

 

Or waste.

 

Or maybe domestic refuse.

 

Or perhaps even pollution of the mind. After all, it gets spread around a lot, by those and such as those.

Edited April 22, 2018 by George.

[Guest Fetlar Writer]

 

Lastly, following two decades of exposure to the noise pollution of oil traffic they suffer from P.F.T., a Pitch Fluctuating variant of Tinnitus which rings like a constant National Anthem of 'God Save the Queen' in their ears giving them an aloofness and reverent countenance that could be misinterpreted as a dismissive stiffness of character.

 

 

 

 Hahahaaa!!  P.F.T. is also suffered on the island of Fetlar, it was rumoured that we no longer have our 'island promoter' working (and I say 'working' with much humour) for an unusually large sum of money for doing f##k all. I'm presuming this island condition sprang up from the sudden loss of the said person's 'inflation' of one's abilities not being broadcast by the winged critters of the island - we will all sleep sounder at night, and hum this song throughout the day: 

"U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer

I told you homeboy (You can't touch this)

Yeah, that's how we livin' and ya know (You can't touch this)

Look in my eyes, man (You can't touch this)

Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics (You can't touch this)

 

But somehow, I know it's not over (my emphasis)   

Edited April 22, 2018 by Fetlar Writer

[Wheelsup]

look in the mirror and ask, is it me,  or is it everyone else?

[RileyBKing]

On behalf of our local cormorant community, I should assert that cormorants have Rights too. Eating of non-consenting cormorants is clearly a serious abuse of the appropriate legislation.

 

Further, salting them is surely a further outrage. Don't the inhabitants of Unst know that salt is bad for their health and soon to be made illegal?

 

I propose the missing PC be replaced by a new enhanced official position of Cormorant Rights Commissar to monitor these abuses.. This would have the added advantage of boosting the Unst economy by adding to employment opportunities .It would also bring high speed broadband to Unst as the new post would require proper communications with HQ in Lerwick. (Unfortunately this facility would not be available to civilians, i.e. the rest of us).

[Ghostrider]

Its all the SIC's fault. It used to be your average Unst resident just had to decide they were from neither Yell or Fetlar, which came pretty naturally to the average Unst person. But since Whalsay and Skerries has been lumped in as well the identity crisis has deepened gravely leading to some folk getting all depressed and miserable.

 

Its a malady thats spreading, I was just hearing the other day somebody in Yell was on the horns of a dilemma thinking they might actually be from Whalsay, and another one who seemed to think they could be from Unst.

 

It can only get worse, some folk in Quarff will think they're fron the Ness, and some in Whiteness will think they're from Waas, until we're all as miserable as sin. Cooncil just can leave nothing alone can they, and then they expect us to pick up the pieces like it was all okay......

[Ghostrider]

look in the mirror and ask, is it me,  or is it everyone else?

 

Don't look in mirrors - I won't anymore.

 

Last few times I tried it, there was this plug ugly old bar steward I didn't know who always looked back at me..... I think I'd prefer to have discovered I had no reflection than seen that thing.

[Nigel Bridgman-Elliot]

FX [ Waves in a friendly manner. ]