Baron Farkoff

Frasier.

father Ted.

Deal or no deal.(well I laff)

Allo allo.

Or, the election debates.

I don't remember any receptive audiences, or indeed a North Star.

Dammit, I've been mind-raped.

Again.

Was I in a band?

Where am I?

Nurse!

Drink!

{'f' it was funny in Father Ted 'eck'}!

Arsenio Hall!

Skaterboy, I'm nothing to do with SA.Didn't get any tickets for BB, wasn't bothered.Wasn't offered any preferential treatment, either.

Any "crap spewewd" out is just my opinion, just like yours.

"just ask the baron"-

-I like it! What would you like to know?

I'd like to know if you plan to do anything interesting at the new venue.

Cheers!

The Travelling Band- "Sundial"

Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers- "Bitter Dose"

Johnathan Richman-"I was dancing in a lesbian bar"

The Ozrk Mountain String Band-"It'll shine when it shines"

Levon Helm-"Dirt Farmer"

Shellac-"My Black Ass"

The Brothers With Different Mothers-"The Golden Meadow"

Lovely!

"on a lighter note..."

Ha ha ha...

The dialect police are "oot" to get "du". Or is it "de".

"muckle" penalties "fae" improper use.

Welcome to shetlink,lizzie!

I'm not sure that gavva has the best advice for you there.

Shetland is an excellent place, I moved here myself 5 years ago, and there are jobs about. I'm sure you'll both be fine, good luck!

The theme tune from smokey and the bandit.

^ and^^

YES!

This wonderful,summerfilled afternoon I am listening to Jess singing and Peter playing what was once a fiddle and Tirval playing all kinds of weird things and it sounds Great!

What kind of uprising do you mean, fleabee?

Mephedrone isn't cool. It is if you like the sensation of a urinary tract infection combined with a headache (allegedly). The gangsters are laughing at the people who take it. A much better idea would be to use it as a plant food, and grow some,er, delicious tomatoes.

Xoni, I have a real sympathy with you and your 15 yr old.

I know a 14 yr old who knows next to nothing about drugs, and the current debacle regarding this rubbish drug is not going to do her education any good.

What are the facts coming her way? That Mephedrone is being sold a a substitute for cocaine.That was on the news. Thanks for that, Home secratary, you flaming numpty. What is cocaine?-she will ask herself. I really hope she doesn't find an answer to that one before doing her GCSEs,but since they seem indistinguishable in a packet and one is legal, what do you reckon?Cheers.

Another fact, framed on the news by a shot of people dancing at a "rave" or something,was that it produces "side effects" like hallucinations, dizzyness, and makes you feel good whilst wanting more. What the report fails to mention is that it turns people who once were funny, witty, and actually there in the room with you into farking morons who can't even string a coherent sentence together,let alone actually do anything creative. At least Fleetwood Mac made "Rumours" while high, I reckon on M-cat they would have had a job making a cup of tea.

I despair, coz ther's nothing gonna stop kids trying drugs, and it seems like they are the ones being caught in the middle between the gangsters in government, who claim to know what's best for everyone without having a workable policy and the gangsters on the street who have a clear policy of being willing to sell whatever they can make available to supply the need of people who want to take drugs.

Anyone remember the scene in the young ones where Neil gets hold of some "Shetland brown"? The joke was then, and is now, that the quality of drugs up here is absolutely rubbish. That's how people die, from adulterated substances,not from having a nice toke of some decent grass. God knows what'll happen when the dealers start cutting their plant food with real plant food, or bricks,or glass. They are already mixing in their stocks of legal grass substitutes with the henna and bin bags going into the soapbar apparently.

I have heard folk say "I've got some cocaine." I have also read in the paper that the drug problem is under control. Both statements are incorrect. A friend of mine who has tried some genuine cocaine reckons the powders available up here are only good for washing ones' clothes. For all the outrage and slanted reporting up here, no-one really gives a tinkers cuss about the drug problem, as none of the people likely to be involved with drugs have much to do with what is percieved as being important here.

I am genuinely worried for the future of the kids, as the so called grownups don't know the first thing about what they are talking about.

And before anyone starts handing out Darwin award nominations, they should remember how times have changed quicker than most folk realise, and that they too were once children.

Much Love and respect to all worried parents, it's a bigger job nowadays.

^^I'm sorry to go on, but I repeat--"THIEVES"

Flybe are stealing my supplements.I am paying for them and not getting them. Lone operator or corporate thief,the outcome is the same.

MJ, I don't think "you'll just have to live without them" is fair comment: I will get them sent up, but is is a pain, and they'll be late.AA Gill wll be appalled, I'm sure.

Thieves who steal the tele guide from newspapers, especially on sat/sundays when the paper costs twice as much. To avoid this unpleasantness I have got into the habit of selecting a paper from lower down the stack, but even this didn't work today. TBH, even having to think like that riles me immensely. Just stop it,you blinking ****s!

Not a lot. Sorry about the small digression.

Airports are all horrible, nasty places, full of suspicion and government collation, without any of the glamour of air travel of yesteryear. Sumburgh is no better or worse than any airport.The security measures are fine, and very neccssary in keeping airline insurance premiums down, I expect.

Happy flying, y'all!

Absolutely correct, Johann!

How bad would it be if all the above efforts to escape the fuselage had proved successful, only to find oneself without a parachute?

25,000 ft of unhappy.

^^I'm not sure I agree with a parachute being worse than useless. A copy of th TV times perhaps, but in a crumbling plane of whatever size, I am quite sure that a parachute would be fairly handy at 25,000 feet. In fact, it would be top of my duty free shopping list!

I find the best way to deal with the indignity of having to remove ones shoes is to specially prepare some travel socks. I watched with great pleasure as six officials at dusseldorf airport simultaneously recoiled in horror from what is known as "nine day sock" from a distance of 8-9 ft. They were warned in advance that the outer protective layer should not be removed, but they didn't care. result!

One thing I would like to know about airline security is :why am I not issued with a parachute when I fly? There are lifejackets on boats, but no parachutes on planes. The chair backs could ,I'm sure, be modified to contain this highly useful device, thus avoiding "flail patterns" should the worst occur. Hmmmm...

Just had a listen.

Nice."double pedal heartbeat" is very good.

I like Ghodbane, and now have "Theatre of pain" stuck in ma heed.

Cheers, Dozer.

Looking forward to the return of the Minge!

Hard at work keeping the population on the rise, I expect.

^

I'm not sure that they did.

I wonder if anyone could help clear this one up: I have heard it said that there is only one "up helly-aa", and that takes place in Lerwick: the other events should be described more correctly as "regional fire festivals".

Is this just Toon bias, or what?

Either way, to my untrained eye, the Mossbank hall was fantastic and full of wonderful people having a medium sized amount of good clean fun. Some of the squads were really quite good, very similar to some of the "carnival" acts I have seen abroad.

I thought it was excellent to see so many females contributing to the squads, and of course, well done to Dianne at the mid Brae inn for 40 yrs!

Sometimes Shetland can be quite lovely.

I met a man once who was so destitute that he was forced to wear a lighthouse family t-shirt.

Poor blighter.

Shellac and Don Caballero and The Magic Band today.

Fair dinkum,and it is indeed so much better than that other queen of the hairspray banshee look, Jennifer Rush, and her "power" ballad The Power of Love.

When a youngster in the 80's such as myself, was waiting for new things from the hit parade to feed their newfound hunger for this amazing thing called music, 15 weeks can feel like a very long time for one woman to be at the top of the pop charts. With a shtie song. And backup.---

Berlin "take my breath away".

That is as far back as I dare to ventureinto the 80's for fear of unearthing such festering memories as .... oh everything from that accursed era, even Bowie. Duetting with Tina on "Tonight"? Glass spider?Jesse H. Goshdarn Cripes! Segueing seamlessly into Sigue Sigue Sputnik, Falco, 99 bloody balloons and THEN Ace of bass, before really filling the nappy with Roxette.

As I was too wrapped up with Darryl Hannah being half-fish to notice any physical charms which may have been ondisplay from the lead singer of T'Pau, the sound of her grating, desperate shriek was more than sufficient for me to lump her in with other 80's luminaries such as Banananananananrama. I shall, however, listen to the song "sex talk" ,with new ears, and hope I don't get a headache or something.

After I Finish Joanna Newsom's new one, which may take some time Please someone, book that woman for the Festival!

yES, YES IT SHOULD. Oh god,you see wat I mean- In much the same way that an idiot should avoid alcohol(we are allergic, and makes many break out in handcuffs), The Mighty Shetlink can make reformed or reforming members of the internet shed their thin veneer of normality and break ot IN CAPS AT ANY TIME! THE INNER TROLL IS REVEALED!GEt back in the box, damn you! I WONT! THE PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET WILL LOVE ME AND THINK I'M FUNNY! BACk in the box, foul creature!

NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

etc.. Many Shetlinkers try and fail to keep their inner troll at bay. It is a minute by minute process, and can be hard for both close family members and those in the extended "worldwide" family on the net.

Am I still sat in front of this flaming screen?

I CAN MAKE BRILLIANT SANDWICHES! THE BEST EVER! AND THEY ARE FROZEN! TAKE MY SANDWICH AND LOVE IT, PUT IT IN YOUR FREEZER AND LOVE IT LATER! IF YOU WANT! MMMMMMMMMMMMMM YUMMY SANDWICHES! SLURP DOWN A FROZEN VALENTINES SANDWICH!

AND CHECK OUT MY CHILDRENS PARTY MENU-IT'S MEGA! FROZEN CRISPS AND POP! BRILLIANT!

Sorry 'bout that.

Unnervingly simillar, I agree.