Ally

I mind an old flatmate laughing at me when I started going on about how I was a toonie and that folk outside lerwick were yokels. He was like "mate, you're from Shetland for Godsake!"

They banned tippex in Sound Primary school when I was in p5, cos kids were allegedly getting high from it. Naturally, we got hold of some that weekend in the hope of getting high (even though we had no idea what "getting high" actually meant- we just new we weren't supposed to, ergo it was deeply alluring!). After half an hour or so of passing it around and sniffing to no avail, some bright spark noticed that the green tippex bottle we were using had all the ethanol (or whatever it was) deliberately removed so it could be safely sold to kids... Foolish boys!

I say we employ our best architects and builders, cull all the sheep and embark on an engineering feet of colossal proportions : The wrapping of the entire island in cotton wool. It's the only way to be sure.

Ah, the prevailing wind of the "I'm alright, Jack" windbag...

No Up Helly Aa tails of debauchery then anyone? I need some distraction on my 30mins lunch break, before heading back to tutor several hundred nursing students in the ways of righteousness ( and show them how to check their emails). Better head over to the Drunk Zone and see if anyone's slavered over the keyboard during the night, then....

I'm jealous... I wish I was in Shetland right now, getting into some ridiculous furry suit and then heading out for fire/booze related madness. It's been about 6 years since I was last up for it. This year my Weegie brother in law will be in the auld man's squad. If he makes it to the last Hall I'll be impressed... For those of you who are guizing or going to a hall, I hope you have a great night. For those of you who aren't, I hope there's something good on the telly! Grip his pilly!

It's amazing people, I'd recommend it to anyone. I'd actually heard very little about it, so when someone finally lent me a copy I wasn't expecting much. However, on listening I was totally blown away. George Martin and his son have done a kind of "mash up" of many of the best Beatles songs, completely reproducing several but maintaining the authenticity of all. Songs like A Day in the Life, Strawberry Fields, Revolution etc all somehow sound better than they did originally. While My Guitar Gently Weeps has greatly improved, with the vocals from an early take included, which gives us an extra line to the song : "I'm sitting here / doing nothing but ageing". Why they ever dropped it from the final take is a mystery. Much of the clunky "early days of stereo" traits (all the vocals in the right speaker and all the guitars in the left) has been removed in favour of a more natural sounding recording, but without diminishing the integrity of the original studio performances.

Eloquently objections to the "prison should be hell" suggestions people, although I note the poll results illustrate that majority opinion is in favour of the Right Honourable Mr styles' proposals...

In what can only be described as a complete U-Turn of opinion, I now think he's ok. I just saw Jamie Oliver on Top Gear and he came across as a decent enough guy. I am a fickle fellow! I still think he's over-exposed and a bit of a sell out though...

Hey, I happen to like Turkey Twizzlers!

There are a raft of reasons as to why the fat-lipped mockney chef is so irksome. Apart from his obvious character flaws (the incessant use of the word "pucka" being just one), there's the rather unseemly nature of how he's acquired his vast wealth. The way he seems to have whored his entire soul to Sainsbury's, despite espousing the importance of getting to know your local fishmonger/butcher/baker personally in his first series... Sod it , rant aborted - I can't be arsed to sully my own day by discussing him any further!

Gibby Irvine. I kent him at school. It was distressing to see his decline. That's him. Yeah, I mind when I was younger seeing him around the town and, I'm ashamed to say, just thinking of him as another drunk who'd fallen on hard times. It was only when I read his obituary in the times that I realised who he was - a really sharp fellow by all accounts, until the drink took over completely.

I liked that chap who died a few years back and was a regular Shetland times contributer. He was a troubled guy and ended up a full-time alchy , which eventually killed him. However, his witty prose was up there with the best of them.... Too bad I can't mind his name!!

We scraned the McSween variety with neeps and tatties on burns night. 'twas ace! Even had the leftovers for breakfast - The perfect hangover food!

I don't think it's "Taboo" at all. Yet again, certain people seem to be getting all paranoid about the alleged PC boogie men that they wrongly perceive as preventing them from stating obvious (and not even remotely inflammatory) truths. Yes, Kenyans are better runners, but what makes you think anyone is going to call you racist or anti-equality for stating an obvious fact? I really don't understand why there are so many David Brent-like members of our society that seem to be struggling with our so-called "Politically Correct" world. It's really not that complex. Just avoid using the language of hate, and take people as you find them and there you have it. It's not rocket science, just basic humanity.

Are you high? Sorry, but that sentence makes no sense...

That's a hell of a sweeping statement, my friend. I suggest you back it up, otherwise your skirting rather close to Jade territory!

Here's an article I lifted from a political forum, which alludes to Americas somewhat inflated regard to their wwII contribution... America did supply vast amounts of material goods, but it did not throw itself, or its soldiers, into combat wholeheartedly. America's most consistent aid was against the Japanese, and not until Japan attacked America directly, and even then America eventually resorted to the massively indiscriminate nuclear bombs rather than "waste" men on resolute Japan. The USA appears to be self-glorifying, and there are multiple generations in the UK, France and Europe who remain upset and angry at America's rewriting of history. Russia's men, France's entire population, and UK's air force, were the principal opponents of Germany, aided by American equipment (which was loaned and leased to the Allies, not merely given), for which the allies were grateful, but not fooled into believing that the USA did not have its own interests at heart - like all countries in the ideologically-charged political atmosphere of the time. USAs entry to the war was forced, not chosen, their motives were self-defense, not world-wide good such as was the case with UK, and their effort was slow and half-hearted, public opinion only turned in favour of the war at a very late date. "In his war memoirs Churchill boasted that only in July 1944 did the British Empire yield to the United States in the number of divisions engaging the enemy. [...]The British and the American effort was dwarfed by the Soviets, who were then engaging about 70 per cent of all German divisions, something Churchill neglected entirely to mention. " - "The Army and the Home Front 1939-1945" by Alex Danchev Essay compiled in the "Oxford History of the British Army" There is an element of misunderstanding here, as Europeans consider World War 2 to be principally France, Europe, UK (with late American aid), Russia versus Germany, mostly forgetting about Japan. Whereas many American's will rightly remember Pearl Harbour and the Japanese more prominently, and probably give the combat in the Indonesian islands and the Pacific more importance than Europeans do. Country Casualties Russia 20 000 000 China 10 000 000 to 15 000 000 Germany & Japan 6 500 000 inc. 1 000 000 German civilians Bengal 1 500 000 (mostly indirect in 1943) Yugoslavia 1 300 000 Britain + colonials 620 000 Italy 500 000 France 500 000 Hungary 350 000 approx. Poland 350 000 approx. Romania 350 000 approx. United States 300 000

Born in the GBH, lived in Sandvein, burniside then Uppersound until I was 18 - went to uni in Aberdeen, dropped out, came back and went away again to Edinburgh to study, where I now work... until March, when I'm dingying the UK indefinitely. So I guess that means I'm an exile, although I reckon I'll always think of Shetland as home, for better and for worse!

The decemberists are alright as well.

Weird... especially since Sting always griped about the band as he went off to do his solo stuff. I heard that they reformed for a few minutes at sting's wedding to play a song or two, and even then sting found himself giving disapproving glances at fellow band members for not "playing it right!" I think I'd choose the police over Rage these days, although back in the early/mid 90s it was my dream to see the early RATM line-up perform "Killing in the name of..." live - the closest I got was the Hamfatters at the brae Hall

Going back to BB, here's a rather accurate Jade Goodie & co appraisal by the excellent Charlie Brooker : "I don't think they're racist, just unbelievably dumb. They're motivated by an intense, aching jealousy they're simply too stupid to process. After all, Shilpa is 20 times more successful than any of them, not to mention 400 times more beautiful. When you're a go-nowhere moomin-flasher, a washed-up singer or a famous dunce, that's bound to rankle, especially since Shetty's also more intelligent, dignified, patient and likable than you could ever, ever be. There's a certain grim amusement to be had, watching the angry trio stropping about with faces like thunder, steadily dismantling their own careers, but equally, there's something profoundly embarrassing about having this lot representing Britain to a disarmingly gracious group of overseas visitors - the aforementioned Shilpa, plus sweetly gentle Jermaine and dry, debonair Dirk. This is humiliation on a national scale..." http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/columnists/story/0,,1993678,00.html#article_continue

Not that it ever will, ofcourse! PS - Evil Inky's "Bass playing for dummies" DVD he got with his Xmas pressie has clearly paid of!

funny story, although i can't seem to find the full-sized desktop picture to see the filthy wee mans folders...

Ah, RATM - They were really good thirteen years ago