Great quotes.

[Twerto]

"I laugh when people say online gamers have no lives, as I have multiple lives"

 

From: wish i knew.

[peeriebryan]

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious."

 

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes."

 

Oscar Wilde - Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892

 

 

 

 

"Touch me, touch me, I wanna feel your body. Your heart beat next to mine (this is the night). Touch me, touch me now"

 

Samantha Fox - Touch Me, 1986

[Seggie]

"Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels."

 

- Frank and Ernest cartoon

[Para Handy]

Benjamin Disraeli

 

When asked to give his opinions on Lord John Russell. He said ‘if a traveller was informed that such a man was Leader of the house of Commons, he might begin to comprehend how the Egyptians worshiped an insect.

 

 

 

A Judge Involved in a long legal wrangle with F E Smith Finally coming to the end of his patience he said What do you suppose I am on the bench for, Mr Smith, F E responded. ‘It is not for me, your honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence’

 

 

Former labor Chancellor Hugh Daltons view on Neville chamberlain ‘ The best thing that can be said of him is that, within the limits of his ignorance, he was rational, but I was appalled how narrow these were. It is clear that Hitler produced an enormous impression upon him. If Hitler had been a British nobleman and Chamberlain a British working man with an inferiority complex, the thing could not have been done better.

 

 

Winston Churchell

 

 

‘Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount’

 

When a Labor MP named Wilfred Paling called Churchill a dirty dog Churchill replied ‘If he is not careful. I will show him what a dirty dog dose to a Paling.

 

His description of the British Labor Party after the second World War: ‘They are not fit to manage a whelk stall’

[Fjool]

"Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom?"

- Terry Pratchett

 

from http://www.quotiki.com/ which is a pretty neat quotations site.

[Medziotojas]

Oscar Wilde - We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

[Para Handy]

Off a tv program years ago

 

Publicity-wise this is a regrettable gonads-in-the-guillotine situation

[COOKIE-MONSTER]

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public

 

(*** mod edit - Thread merged ***)

[Medziotojas]

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."

Homer Simpson

 

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Douglas Adams

 

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Unknown

[humptygrumpty]

"I dont know what my brother does."........Morgan Goodlad....Oops maybe that shoulda been in the Jokes thread.

[sassermaet]

Some of my favourite George Dubyah Bush quotes

 

 

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

 

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

 

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

 

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three

 

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

 

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

 

"They misunderestimated me."

 

"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"

 

 

The man really is a buffoon. God help us all..............

 

Another famous one from him:

 

"A lot of our imports come from other countries." (You don't say!)

[sassermaet]

"Brian, there's a message in my alphabits! It says, 'Oooooooo...'" "Peter, those are Cheerios."

 

One of the Family Guy classics - oh, and a couple from Robin Williams:

 

"If you're ever in Amish country, and you see a man with his hand stuck up a horse's ass, he's a mechanic. Remember that."

 

"Keith Richards is the only man who can make the Osbournes look f***ing Amish."

[DamnSaxon]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Unknown

 

"Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

- Terry Pratchett (again)

[Para Handy]

Jeremy Paxman On TV and political responsibility

 

 

I’d like you to imagine a Prime Minister who has more powers than any other in the entire twentieth century: powers to order his citizens to go into battle, to order industries to stop of start production, powers even to seize public property. He does this with little serious public opposition. And in his entire period in office he holds not a single news conference.

 

It is unimaginable. Yet it is true.

 

The Prime Minister was Winston Churchill. The only occasion on which he held a press conference was on December 23rd 1941. He was visiting Washington. Roosevelt belonged to a different political culture. He persuaded a baffled Churchill to undergo the ordeal. The transcript in the Roosevelt papers reads as follows:

“The President. ‘And so I will introduce the Prime Minister. I wish you’d stand up for one minute and let them see you.’†Churchill then stands on a chair and takes a dozen or so questions from the reptiles, almost all of whom address him as ‘sir’, and not one of whom follows up his original inquiry with any persistence or repetition. Occasionally, perhaps because he genuinely was going deaf, perhaps to give himself time to think, Churchill says he can’t hear the question, and it is repeated, slowly. At the end, the Prime Minister is thanked by the press corps.

 

That one occasion apart – and that was an event into which he’d been lured by his host – I can find scarcely any evidence that the greatest political leader of the last hundred years ever chose to talk directly to the media. Odd, really, when you think that he’d once been happy to put the word ‘journalist’ in his passport, and showed that steely mercenariness which is the pre-requisite of any successful freelance: he even tried to sell speeches he’d made in parliament to an American media organisation. What an example to us all. But underneath it all, he regarded us with disdain.

 

How very different to our own dear leaders today, who will play tennis or head footballs in their business suits, ride bicycles, kiss babies, say that today is not the day for sound-bites, but the hand of history is on their shoulder, and so on and so on.

 

 

In those days, the media knew their place. Even ten years ago in this country, if you were asked about the media, you thought of your own newspaper, or weekly magazine, or favourite television channel. But if you ask the question nowadays you get an entirely different answer: the media are – is - an entity in its own right, a collective being with its own distinct nervous system. It eats, it breathes, it excretes. It has distinct pleasure centres in its brain and it has an awful lot of problems with its eyesight.

 

Just look at the growth in news. In the year before Blair took office (1995-6), the BBC alone broadcast just over five thousand hours of news and current affairs (5,270). Ten years later, the figure had risen to twelve and a half thousand hours (12,485) In this environment, politics is increasingly played out in the media. Sometimes it seems that politics is only about the media. The media are certainly the amniotic fluid in which public life swims. For ten years we have seen ministers announcing policies on radio and television instead of in parliament, and watched them cross-examined about them on radio and television instead of in parliament. Gordon Brown says he’ll change this way of doing things. Let’s wait and see.

[Malcolm]

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these "quote" comments made during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

 

 

 

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

 

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

 

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

 

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

 

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

 

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

 

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

 

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

 

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

 

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

 

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

 

12. "God, now I know why some guys are gay."

 

 

 

And the best one of all..

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"